110% Or Nothing At All

Do everything 110%, or else what is the point in doing it at all? This from a highschool basketball coach preaching at his young team girls; full of emotion, instability and doubt. Why decide to do an action, experience a moment, or follow throrough with a goal unless you are going to invest everything you are into the experience? If you are not deeply investing yourself, what are you using that energy on and what kindof person are you? Are you living half of a life? Thats not living life purposefully. Than you complain about life having no purpose, about it being meanginless even though you don’t make the effort to make it worth meaning. No matter if you give 50%, 30%, 80% or 100%, people are going to talk about whatever you do. The process and the outcome should fully represent the true you. Or don’t do it at all, and be honest with your intentions and abilities.

Living by this standard when I work I work hard, making sure to be thorough, efficient and aiming to be above average. To be irreplaceable. When I am in a relationship, I care for my partner, my sex mate, and my friend deeply. Expressing that I am there for them, making intentional time to make them a priority. I am aware of their needs so diligently, that sometimes they don’t even have to ask me.

When I write, I become part of the world I built with catastrophic words. Words full of vision and foretelling, journeys and lessons. I sink into the characters like the quick sands of the marshes in the lands I’ve created, and crush their foes in my head as they overcome their monsters. At least I could kill someone’s.

With pleasure, I explore winding letters of flowery descriptions and wallow in the deep love of perfectly flawed characters. Relish in a world where flawed is accepted and love always wins. I seek the writer’s power of angles and definitions, showing the defining character of those deeply talented and fighting to let it out. To show what their insides are all about. What the “real me” looks like without a scout.

I anger with all my might. My fury is a torrent of flushed cheeks, and kindling, bubbling, crackling, ribbons of tension building beneath my skin, broiling within my blood. I roar with the thunder of overwhelming WRONG in my head. Crushing everything else you just said. I will bring you down, make you pay for this level of pain, smearing my sane emotions,making me feel like this, yes you can consider this a rift. My anxiety is a torrent of flipping stomachs, a ache of lacking where my gall bladder used to be. A ball of twisting unknowing where my pit keeps the inner me. That place where your souls supposed to be. I become a great big mess of what I should be and can’t fight my way free. I feel it so completely that your disdain is only fuel to my flame, bringing rain to my shame, my sinking rage, my agonized need to know what’s next, what to expect. It consumes all the rest. So yes I am a perfectionist. Yes, I am intense to the core. Yes, I am extreme. Yes, you may not like me. Yes, I do care. No, you will not change me. I live 110% or else, why do it at all?

P.S.

Yet the bad things are 110% too. They are my habits, my thoughts running a skew, like mice running loose. I am exposed, blunt to the core, if I want to, YOU WILL HEAR MY ROAR! Many can’t handle the intensity, don’t understand the core honesty I said about me. I mean exactly what I say, and walk my talk. If I’m lying tell me. Don’t act suprised when I act just as I told you I would. If you feel a vibe, don’t act unless I have told you exactly how I will react. I will tell you, no suprises from me, I like to know what’s coming for me, and give the same in return. That’s a fact, but some of you just don’t know how to act.

What about you?

Written By: @writerreyes